Who am I?

*Disclaimer: I'm all over the place on this post*

Have you ever struggled with who you are? Even as an adult?

I mean, I have a pretty darn good idea who I am. But there are so many facets to me, and to my personality, that I struggle sometimes to find my niche, per se.

I'm a wife, mommy, daughter, sister, niece, cousin, and a daughter-in-law. I love:

• Everything to do with Maui (and Hawai'i in general)
• Dancing (and dance shows, movies, etc.)
• Acting (it was my major before I got married to Ryan's father )
• Singing (still sing in the car and to Ava, but not on a big stage like I used to)
• Scuba Diving (only been a handful of times, but I absolutely could live underwater)
• Being a Mommy. (There's nothing like it in the world, and no other job I'd rather have (even though unfortunately I do have a different one)
• Jewelry. I constantly have a "new favorite necklace" that I swear that I will wear everyday, like a heroine in a book series I read where she says she will be "known as the 'girl with the charm bracelet' or the 'girl with the horseshoe necklace', etc." Does anyone really have a signature piece, or is that just in a book? HA.
• Reading. I often find myself lost in a book.
• GOD. He is the center of my life, and every decision I make. Granted, I don't always make the right ones, but he loves me anyways, and that's pretty darn amazing.

And the list goes on and on. It seems as though no matter how many things I love or want to be involved in, I don't partake in any of them. Life just kind of floats by. I mean, sheesh, my daughter is already almost seven months old....how does THAT happen?

I guess my reason for this post is because of the massive amount of soul searching I've done lately. Am I doing what I'm supposed to be doing? Is this God's will for my life? Is He going to, or as He already, taken the gifts that he so generously gave me? (Singing, Dancing, Acting) Is it "use them or lose them"?

There's so many things that I struggle with. My weight being one of the main ones. Sometimes I wonder, "Am I destined to be the 'fat friend' or the 'fat sister' for the rest of my life?" The thing is, before I look in the mirror, I feel like a skinny person trapped in a bigger body. (I suppose this feeling dates back to when I actually WAS a skinny kid. Until Vanderbilt Hospital happened. But that's another story.) Then I look in the mirror, and see this obese woman who is so obviously unhappy with the way she looks and feels. If I can't even feel comfortable in my own body, what makes me think I can comfortable with anything else?

That's another time when I ask myself, "Really, who am I?"

This will be an ongoing, tumultuous journey that won't be wrapped up in a day. I think everyone is so many people wrapped up into one, it's hard to find that balance. All we can do is go with it. And pray. We can't fix ourselves, only He can.

I'll leave you with a verse that was given to me by a dear friend during my pregnancy with Ava:

Philippians 4:6-7


"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."