Cure for a Horrible, No good Day...

Am I right, or am I right?

Stupid Food.

I hate food. And I love food.

It's a vicious cycle. I know that I need food to live. I should be looking at it as fuel, not as a treat. But I still do. I talk a good game. I know all of the right things to do, all of the right thing to eat, and that I need exercise to accompany my eating habits. But look at this. This is what I had for lunch yesterday:

Jersey Mike's Turkey on Wheat: No cheese, Lettuce, Tomato, Pickles, Onions, Mayo (full fat), and Vinegar.

No Chips....yay me! Right?!

Wait for it......

2, count em', 2 Cadbury Eggs. Did I need those? NO! Why did I even buy them in the first place? And why did I feel the need to eat both of them in one sitting?

I know why. Because I was overwhelmed at work and I went out at lunch at it made me feel better. Until after I ate them.

Emotional eating! I should just be allowed to take a nap every time that I want to eat. They should diagnose me with a medical condition and write me a note or something. Yes, I know that's completely ridiculous, but it works. If I want to snack at night, I try to pack it in and go to bed instead of eating.

I guess the point of this post is to show that I'm still struggling. I was on such a roll before I got pregnant with Ava, and I keep trying to recreate that time. Eat the same things, etc... but my life now is completely different. I have TWO children now. I work in a different city. I can't do bootcamp. Ava goes to bed at 7pm, which hinders going out of the house. I guess I'm just stressed is all.

Any uplifting comments/suggestions/inspirational thoughts? (Emily, I know you're out there!)

What can I say...

I'm in love.

Yes, I'm a SLACKER.

It's been awhile. I've totally dropped the ball on my 30 DAY Challenge...(which I full intend to finish)

The good news? I'm here now. Things have been a little nutso with my baby turning ONE (can you believe it?! Another post on that will be coming soon!) and all the sickness in my house that has been on a sick, vicious cycle. We get one kiddo well just in time for the other to get sick, and so on and so on.

Here's what has happened since my last post:

• Ava turned one. Oh. My. Gosh.
• Ryan got straight A's and Perfect Attendance for the 2nd Nine Weeks at school.
• Ryan got "Caught Being Good" at Sango, which made me SOOOO proud.
• I've been praying a lot, I mean, A LOT more. It feels good.
• I've started doing a ZUMBA DVD and I just bought the Michael Jackson Experience Wii game.
• I started P90x, but I think I need to work up to it. My body is not there yet. Soon...
• I'm still determined to get to my goal by my 30th birthday: January 16th, 2012. Watch out.
• I still struggle with food. Every. Day. Of. My. Life.
• I miss my husband. He's at home and I see him, but school is consuming him at night. I honestly can't wait until he's done. ONE YEAR!

I think that's all for now, I'll have more targeted posts coming, but my brain is a little fried at the moment. And it's not even noon!

I've got about a year...

Before the big reveal. That's right folks, I have an exciting goal set.

By my 30th birthday (2012) I will have reached my goal weight (whatever that may be, it's still up for negotiation) and will be requesting that my husband throw me a birthday bash, where I will be revealing the new me. The me that is inside me, but I can't seem to reflect on the outside.

I hope to be healthy and comfortable in my own skin, not just "skinny". My husband would kill me if I were "skinny" anyways, and I love him for that. The thing is, this is not a diet. It's a lifestyle change. I'm fully aware that I've been trying for YEARS to lose this weight. I was well on my way when I found out that I was carrying my precious Ava. She's worth all of the weight that I gained back, but I am sick of it.

I'm sick of changing my outfit a million times every morning because I'm uncomfortable.
I'm sick of thinking that when I see someone snickering or whispering to a friend, that it's about me.
I'm sick of being too tired to go outside and play with my kids.
I'm sick of sleep apnea and the fact that my dad has diabetes.
I'm sick of not being "me."

What do I mean by that? Ever think you look one way, but then look in the mirror, and that is not the person that you saw in your head 2 seconds ago? Yeah, that's me. It's depressing, I tell ya.

So, I'm done. Not only am I going back to my Weight Watchers meetings, but I am determined to incorporate a workout plan. I may even do the "deck of cards" workout. (Thank you, David Griffin!) I wish nothing more than if I could go back to bootcamp with David or to workout with Jacob Finn at High Pointe, but I can't.

Super strict budget=buying a house in 2011.

So hopefully by January 16th of 2012, I will have a new attitude towards food, a new body, a new house...and a new ME.

As for my night snacking and sugar cravings? I've decided to take a tip from Alison Sweeney (Sami on DAYS and Biggest Loser host)...if I start to reach for something unhealthy after the kids are in bed, I'll just go to bed myself. Sleep is better for me than than junk food is.

And my shows will be on DVR the next morning. :)

Jail Bird

Ok, so she's not actually in the crib, but this is too funny...

Lemme outta here!!

*courtesy of Ms. Terrie*



Mahalo, 2010...

This year started out with four bouts of pre-term labor, my birthday (on which I received a heart-shaped funfetti cake made with love by my son and his grandma and a promise of a date when I was no longer pregnant by my husband which he has still yet to comply with), and the arrival of my baby girl, Ava Layne.

I'll never forget each and every day I've had with Ava. It started out rough with post-partum depression, but with help quickly turned into the most joyous months I've had in a long time. Before Ava arrived, I wondered how I'd ever love another baby as much as I love Ryan. God knows though...somehow, you do. The human heart has an eerie way of going all Grinch (at the end of the book) and growing three sizes in one day. My children are such a blessing.

Ryan has grown from a child into a young little man. It breaks my heart but makes me so proud at the same time. He's witty, funny, mischievous, lovable, and sharp as a tack. It was he and I against the world for a long time, and I hope we never lose the close bond that we have. I am immensely proud of him and his accomplishments: Accelerated Reader, Football MVP in his first year playing, all-around athlete (the kid plays baseball, football, soccer, basketball, and takes swimming lessons), wonderful son, grandson and nephew, and above all....child of GOD. It kinda makes me think I must be doing something right.

My husband Stephen is chugging along in school full-time (with a virtual 4.0 mind you), while all the while working full-time. I remember working and being in school with a 2-3 year old, and it ain't easy. I can't tell him enough how much I appreciate what he's doing for our family. With all he has gone through last year and this year, a weaker person would have crumbled. But not one of the strongest men I know. He has grown in the Lord as well, and that is something I'm thankful that this year brought for him.

God, my husband, and my children are my world. Yes, there have been plenty of setbacks this year. But I might as well throw that out with the trash tonight....no sense in dwelling, right? There are a lot of changes ahead for me and my family. (One for me will be getting to my goal weight, but that is so not a New Year's Resolution, it's a life resolution. That journey is just that....a journey, not a destination.)

I'm just gonna do my best to be the best wife, mommy, daughter, sister, daughter-in-law, co-worker, and friend that I can possibly be.

Just keep swimming, just keep swimming, just keep swimming, swimming, swimming......

:)

Happy New Year, folks....here's to 2011.