The One where I'm Uncomfortable.

1. 

   
   

   So that's it. I'm uncomfortable. Yes, I've lost a bunch of weight and kept most of it off, but I still have a lot to go, and I find it unacceptable that I'm not done yet. Wait, I'll never be done. This is my demon, my cross to bear. Every morning that I wake up and put pants and a shirt on, I reflexively grab a cardigan or jacket to cover my arms.  I don't wear shorts. I don't wear a swimsuit in front of other people (if I can help it) and if I do, I'm convinced that they're looking at me and laughing.

   
   

   God loves me, I know that. But I'm not going to use the "God loves me no matter what I look like" as a cop out.  Yes, He loves me no matter what.  But He also expects for me to crave Him and not food, and for me to spend the time that I am emotionally eating coming to Him in prayer instead.  He has given me instructions, and I'm ignoring them. 

   
   

   Yes, I'm busy. I teach full-time, (which if you're a teacher or know one, you know it's more like full-time and a half), I take a graduate class each semester, I have a husband and two (active) kids, and I am a Director for Thirty-One Gifts.  All of which are a necessity at this stage in my life for one reason or another. I cannot "give up" any of them. Yet. With all that said, I am not putting my health high up enough on the list of priorities. My priorities are as follows: 1) God, 2) My husband, 3) My kids, and then comes everything and everyone else. As it should be. Sometimes, priorities 4-100 get jumbled around, and my health easily takes a back seat to things that it shouldn't.

   
   

   Which is why I have decided to wake up Monday-Friday at 4:30am to go for a walk.Yes, I said 4:30am. My husband looked at me the way you pretty much are right now, most likely.  I always find excuses as to why I can't go work out, and sometimes the excuses are valid. There literally is no time left in my days.  Even if I get to sit down for 30min-1hr of TV at the end of the day once the kids are in bed, chances are that I'm working on my laptop simultaneously. I have to make my health a priority, and that means making some sacrifices. In this case, sleep. Guess I need to institute my 9pm bedtime again, eh?

   
   

   I am writing this blog in no way to make you feel pity on me.  In fact, I'd rather you hold me accountable and make me feel guilty if I tell you "No, I didn't work out today."  I am a member of Weight Watchers Online, but I miss the accountability that the scale and the members bring from a meeting. I need someone to push me, to make me mad, or I tend to slack off.  I'm being totally and completely transparent here! 

   
   

   I may not have time to be "bathing suit" ready in 2 weeks when I go to the beach for a Thirty-One Leadership Retreat (yay!!) but I sure as heck will bring my water bottle, and my bathing suit.  Maybe people will laugh. But I'll know that at least I'm doing something about it. I don't want to be uncomfortable. In my life, or when I put my pants on in the morning. I've got this.